Thursday, January 28, 2010

Hot nephew

Last night I went out to dinner with Johnathan and his former porn star boyfriend, and the boyfriend's nephew, and some additional gay who seemed to be in a K hole the whole time. The nephew was hot! And he was wearing beads on one wrist, barbed wire on the other. I immediately took an unhealthy interest in him. Apparently, he is a milliner. Once again, I expressed my heartfelt desire for a mohair onesy, which is something that I reveal whenever I meet a clothier, in the hopes that they will like the sound of the project and be willing to take it on. The hot nephew immediately (and wisely) declined, though. One day, though, I predict that I will meet a clothier who will be lured in by my mohair onesy need. Probably, I will meet him right before I'm killed in a tragic accident, perhaps an accident involving me being buried in an avalance of onesies, and thus I will never get to enjoy my onesy.

Johnathan's boyfriend seems like a nice guy. He hugged me warmly as I walked in, but then the hug he gave me as I was leaving was colder. I wondered if I had made a bad impression, but I was leaving with my new friend Dan, so I quickly became more interested in Dan's thoughts on me. Dan played it cool, mostly.

Have you seen my weiner?

A lot of people think I have no shame, no internal censor. But I must: this was among the first times I'd ever worn this shirt right-side-out. I remember purchasing it while I worked at Sotheby's, and I thought it was really funny, because around that time, I was running into guys around the city who would smile lasciviously when they saw me, and greet me by name. What a slut I must have been in my youth to obviously have engaged in sexual activities with people who, years later, I wouldn't even recognize. I should have said to these people who looked at me with recognition and lust: "Have you seen my weiner?" That might have cleared things right up.

My family had a weiner dog when I was a kid, but I don't remember what happened to her. Her name was Copper. If I'm remembering correctly, my mother intuited that I loved Copper, and thus she "got rid of" the dog to punish me for something or the other. That was my mother's style: she got rid of the things I loved in order to correct my behavior. I have to say, that was an interesting tactic, but I think what it really did was teach me that nothing is forever, and give me a mortal fear of abandonment.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Book party weirdness

What a weird book party I went to on Friday! It was at Susan Shapiro's house. I went with the glamorous John Reed, books editor at the Brooklyn Rail, who never fails to crack me up. Sometimes, I'm the only one laughing at his jokes, but that makes it even more delicious ... I am fully fluent in weird humor! Speaking of weird, I was wearing a button-up shirt and a boa (more on that in a future post).

This is a blurry photo, but the fellow in the red, Dean, said that when he was going up to the party in the elevator, a woman asked him, scornfully: "Who are you?" Later on, he asked her: "Who are you?" She replied "I'm Ultraviolet," and walked away. Those Warhol superstars! Still making friends twenty years later. I saw her at the party - she was wearing a blue, red, and green polyester top.

I ran into an ex of an ex of mine, and I was really happy to compare notes. :) More on this later, too.

I also ran into a friend of a friend named Josh. This is him talking to me in the picture. He had a crooked smile, and I told him he looked like Christopher Plummer from "The Sound of Music," but he hadn't seen that movie! What is up with straight guys not having seen "The Sound of Music?" C'mon, straight guys! Add it to your queue.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Simon and Pedro (and Jennifer)

One of my most fancy-dressin' authors, Simon Van Booy, convinced me to venture into Brooklyn last night for the Tin House reading. I texted him that I was waiting outside, as I'm shy, but after 45 minutes, I gave up and went into the reading alone. Of course, he was sitting inside already, enjoying the reading. Simon!

I ran into New York Times notable author Jennifer Gilmore there, and her husband Pedro, who Simon seemed fascinated by. They chatted for a while, while I gossiped with Jennifer. Then Simon sweetly gave me a ride back into Manhattan in his Audi. Much like my mother did whenever I drove her anywhere, I gripped the handrest until my knuckles went white, and kept pressing with my foot on an invisible brake. We discussed love, and I was taken again by Simon's innocence on the topic. Sometimes, I give him tips on dating etiquette, but I am un-datable myself, so I secretly hope he doesn't take my advice.

I was going to get dressed up for the reading, to make some doomed effort to attract a gloomy, literary fellow, but you can't out-dress Simon, so I had a bizarre outfit on - grey, acid-wash jeans, a dark grey shirt, and a purple sweater from the Gap. The Gap! And there were no literary fellows there anyway - just one cute guy who seemed to work there, and was thus off-limits, and every other guy in their 50s and up.
In this photo Simon and Pedro both are working their well-honed, individual looks. Work it, Simon and Pedro!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Kona Kai

I went to a birthday party for Aaron, who runs the amazing magazine Spunk, at the Ace Hotel. At first, I was only going to put on a simple shell, but then I remembered that my lesbian friend William would probably be dressed to the nines, so I made a little effort and put on a vintage Kona Kai Hawaiian blouse. Look at William's outfit! He is a true fashion original, in a way I could never be. He was rocking "Brooklyn schoolboy realness," and I wish I had taken a picture of him with his full outfit on, including a fancy peacoat and a grey, felt hat.

But back to my shirt. I bought it years ago on an antiquing trip to Cold Spring, with Blue. There were so many hotties at the Ace Hotel party (especially Aaron and Christopher, who told me I was sexy and that he had a lover of 17 years. It isn't above me to plot an affair with Christopher, as I'd like to know how being the spoiler feels, for a change. Oh, wait ... I already know how that feels, with that sexy guy who moved away. It feels weird). Weirdly, ten years later, I still wonder where Blue is now, if you can imagine that. And I still think of him as the one who (thankfully) got away.

Friday, January 15, 2010


Alyse, Luther, Paula, and Miss P. and I went to Epistrophy on Mott Street for some Italian food. Alyse is moving to California on Monday! I will miss her tthhhhiiiiisssss much. I asked her to take a picture of me, and this is one of them, wearing my brand-new horned-rim glasses. Remember when everyone was wearing hrg's about three years ago, perhaps in homage to H.R.G. from "Heroes?" Well, I loved them then, but I couldn't buy them until a few years had passed. I want to be hopelessly out-of-date, not current. When there's a craze, I usually wait until it dies down. I am already craze-y, and I never seem to have the right timing in other areas of my life anyway. In my youth, people would tell me, "I used to really like you five years ago." I wonder who will say that five years from now? Probably my coroner. And what will I be wearing five years from now? Perhaps a Moncler puffy coat. Unlikely, but you never know.