George took me to the 20th-anniversary performance of Sandra Bernhard's "Without You I'm Nothing." After the performance, we waited for her to come out and greet us. I ran into my old pal Chris, who used to work at Chelsea clothing store Camouflage. I swear, I used to go in there at least 4 times a week. Back then, everyone thought I lived in Chelsea, because I ate everyday at Food Bar and was always lugging around a Camouflage bag. But sadly, I lived a mile away, off Gramercy Park. How sad that I cabbed it everyday to an alien neighborhood and walked around alone and drunk, pretending I was fabulous.
I asked Chris where he had gotten his fabulous white leather shoes. He looked down and smiled, "I don't even know!" I accused him of pretending to be some fashion ingenue, not even aware of how good he looked. He probably had them handmade for him in Germany, which seems to be a standard response these days to my fashion inquiries.
After the show, Sandra Bernhard told me I had a "great face." Really, she did! I replied, "Gracias por la musica," which was a nice thing to say. An even nicer one might have been: "You too." And she really is smokin', inside and out. If we were both straight, we'd probably wear out our mattresses together.
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