Monday, April 9, 2012

Yellow ribbon

My sister continued her tradition of giving me an Easter basket filled with candy yesterday. I think she is trying to give me diabetes. (No, it's sweet, I know. She is telling me she loves me by giving me the candy. Sometimes I give her candy, too, but she's an actual diabetic, so it's bad when I do).

Because I try to only eat hard candies, not chocolates, I took the candy to work so that my co-workers could get fat instead of me. I valiantly resisted the lure of my own candy all day, but finally I decided to eat just the ears of "Parsnip Pete," the hollow milk chocolate bunny. I sat in my office and felt the delicious sweetness of the ears spread through me. Then I walked out of my office and returned in a minute with the rest of Parsnip Pete. I sat down and ate the entire box. Look at poor Pete in this picture. He's just a bunch of crumbs and a yellow ribbon. (Why didn't I just finish these crumbs off? What prevented me from saying, "Well, I already finished the whole bunny; why not just finish these last two bites?")

Soon, it will be spring and I will have to somehow get into a pair of swim trunks and brave the beach. Because of my discouraging weight gain over the last year (thanks, Risperidone) I have my work cut out for me if I really want to fit into my trunks. But perhaps moments like my moment with Parsnip Pete today tell me that I really don't want to go to the beach this year. Or, if I do, I just want to sit on the beach dressed in black and covered by a towel, reading a paperback. My beach body will have to wait, perhaps, for a year without so much mental upheaval. If anyone has any experience with this topic, please let me know: how do you maintain a healthy weight on bipolar medication? Is it even possible?

As some people know, last year I was manic; now I'm blue. I just quit smoking for the umpteenth time (maybe for good this time? Who knows). Over the past three months or so, I've put a lot of things "on the shelf" for now. Music. The gym. My need to be thin. The fellows. My blog. I really want to re-join the world, and I will try to from here on out, I swear. Depression is my longtime companion, though I usually have a good reason to be depressed, and I don't have one currently. If you see me in the streets, give me a hug, don't give me any chocolate, please. If I make fun of your outfit, that's a good sign. :)