Sunday, April 19, 2009

This happened ...


Me and Mike and Elliott and Miss P. went to the Juilliard School dance performance 3/27. I took this picture of the dancers' final bow. I was jealous of the way they looked in their outfits - and also their youth. Although, I never looked as good as they do, in any outfit, at any age. I remember looking as a youth at dance performances on PBS, coming close to tears at the grace of the dancers. I was fat then, and would slosh around my parents' living room, as graceful as a beached whale. One day, I knew, I would be skinny and a dancer. I developed exercise bulimia - sometimes running 10 miles in one day - and one "runners' knee" diagnosis and many years later, I know I will never be a dancer. But my future, like that of a dancer, probably holds the promise of painful and time-consuming knee-replacement surgery.


I made out with Mike in the subway on the way home. It was magical. It was only the fourth or so time I had made out with someone I already knew. Most of my sexual encounters have happened when I've gone out to pick someone up, and they've mostly been one-night stands - some, anonymous. That's why my fondness - mutual, I thought - for Mike was so innocent and thrilling for me. On my way home, I was plotting how I would make it work with Mike - for once, not plotting how I would fuck things up. But the next day, on the phone, he said he'd rather be friends. I immediately felt fat, ungraceful, exposed, and surprised. I don't remember what I was wearing when that happened, but if I did, I would certainly never wear that outfit again.

6 comments:

SharonM said...

no... I fear you are not fat. You are quite sizzling hot and this is beautiful and I love you xxxxx S

Jesse Archer said...

Glad you're blogging! You know, since you can't dance.

Christopher said...

I could not for the life of me remember the meaningful, stunning quote about dance lodged somewhere in my nictotine-hungry brain so I stole this one from quotegarden. Not so a propos, but whatev:

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. ~William James

your also FF (formerly fattie) friend,

Christopher

Anna said...

Gregory a former fatty? I don't believe it for a second? Have you seen the guns hidden under the Colonel tattoo?

Susan said...

Hmmmm, there seems to be quite personal information here on this "A Year of Age-Inappropriate Fashion Decisions" blog.

I would like to comment on all the other items, but I only have time to do this one just now.

Well, I would like to comment on the Peppar story, because that is so exciting. I know Peppar, or should I say I've met Peppar and that's so great that she has a son named Greg.

When can I be on the Fashion Blog? I will make sure I dress up for my photo.

Love,

S Q

Martha said...

what, no comment on my fierce armani outfit on saturday? what kind of fashion blog is this?